Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
