3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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