I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
