I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
