she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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