WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wish my penis had a tongue
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
