When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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