She announced her abortion via fbk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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