this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
