Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
