I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
