I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
