I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
