Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
