nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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