that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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