I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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