If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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