Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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