So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
