U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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