My sheets look like a crime scene.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
