Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
