you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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