He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
