so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
