how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
