My Higher Power is John Stamos
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
