It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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