I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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