PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
