So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
