Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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