Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
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Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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