My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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