so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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