Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
