I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
