You're my little dorito
I'm going to jail i love you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
