did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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