Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
