Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
