The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
