got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
