you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize