i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
