connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found your dick twin last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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