I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
