Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
