How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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