my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
