just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
