Your face is a jimmy john
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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