Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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