I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
