at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
