Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
