Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
