is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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