When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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