do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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