I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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