I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No I am not eating basil off your cock
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
