Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize