Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
