i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
