You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
