I hate all girls vehemently.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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