She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
