she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
