dude i'm inner monologue high
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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