my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
