I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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