You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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