After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fuck appropriateness.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize