I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
