Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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