You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
